"...what dreams may come..."

"Dusk Over Central Park" (2009)

I have come to the firm conclusion that my physiology, whether I like it or not, is that of a nocturnal animal. No matter what I try, no matter how many attempts I make at slumber, there never seems to be a point where I can just fall asleep unless it is on the verge of the morning. This has been something I've grappled with since I was in high school, and the entire fiasco has lasted until now.

This is not a real problem for me, per se, but it does create weird daytime delusions in my mind when I am not fully rested. Bear in mind that I work and go to school, and I also am quite strict with both being early and never missing a class/shift. This means that I fight the plague of insomnia throughout the night, get a few winks, and then am up with the birds and worms and all the 9-5 motorists and ready to tackle another long day. Usually a few days like this will pass before my body and brain cannot handle it anymore and I just pass out when I hit my bed at the end of the day. Then I sleep, dream some bizarre visions of who-knows-what, and feel rested until my next bout of extreme fatigue. This is not healthy, I know, but it has been my way for as far back as I can remember and I have learned to embrace it.

This type of schedule has made me realize that there are two times in a day that are surreal and magical. The first is dusk. When the world begins to slow down, especially in the winter months when the sun sets earlier, everything is painted in colors that appear both warm and frozen. The streetlights turn on at their own intervals, the smoke from fireplaces cut through the air, and everything comes to a state of rest. This is my favorite time of day, as it is the first sign of all the possibilities of the night.

"Daybreak in Suburbia" (2011)

The second time is daybreak or, rather, just before the sun makes its first appearance. The sky becomes a deep gradient of purples and dark blues that slowly shift to lighter tones as each minute passes. The world wakes, the birds chirp incessantly, coffee pots begin running throughout suburbia, drinkers are finding their way to their beds, and all seems quiet and holy for a time. It passes, of course, and the bustle of life begins as it does each and every day after this time. It is interesting to be awake and present for the sun's descent and eventual ascent. It creates an interesting feeling to see both of these events happen within several hours of each other.

Last night I was up for many hours, and awoke early for a meeting that never wound up happening. I wound up staying in my room most of the day, writing and neglecting the sun (which is warmer than usual for January). Now I am awake, awaiting a haircut, and then off to work until after midnight. Tomorrow I must be up at 7. This is how it goes, day in and day out, and the sun rises and sets and sometimes we are there to see it, and sometimes we aren't, and sometimes we see both.

Oh, hello there.

Resolutions for the new year have never been something that I have been too interested in accomplishing. It isn't that I don't believe in the power of change and growth, in fact they are two of my favorite aspects of life. Rather, I feel that forcing change only leads to failure. I speak for myself on this topic, as I know others are able to make a resolution or goal and stick with it whenever they set their mind to it.

That said, one of my only resolutions for 2013 was to begin a blog. Now, I have attempted this goal many times in the past. I am of the LiveJournal generation, so I had personal blogs since 2002 (or so) that centered around my own ego and my adolescent thoughts. As an adult, or whatever it is I am in my  mid-20's, I feel that I should have a blog for my writing.

I know, this all sounds very fascinating and I'm sure anyone reading this is overjoyed at my decision. I swear, there's a point to all of this. Actually, maybe there isn't a point... and maybe I should not have admitted that halfway through the post... either way, there will or won't be a point, I swear!

I am a writer, but I don't have much to show for it yet. I have never been published in any major publications, nor have I actually tried to become published in any of said forums. I do work as a content writer but that's more for the meager money I can get from it. I don't actually have my name attached to any of the content I write (which is, of course, the nature of that beast). There have also been various pieces I've published in school/college magazines and I've self-published a book with two friends. All of this has been nice, but they are small potatoes in the grander scheme. As a side note, I don't mind eating small potatoes. Seriously, a potato is a potato, add a little sour cream and you're ready to go. No chives though. I hate chives.

To get back on track: I decided to begin this blog. We are now a week into the new year and I feel that it is the correct time to let loose in a public forum. Cue dramatic sting.

My hope in beginning this blog is to create a presence for myself as a writer. I don't have much interest in blogging, but the age that we live in dictates that in order for me to be a writer I must undertake certain electronic endeavors.

Bear with me, any who may be reading this, as I struggle to find my ground and my voice. There's a good chance that this will be a whole lot of nonsense, ramblings and mixed thoughts until I find my stride. Those of you, if any, who are reading know that my mind is a confused and strange place and it reflects in my work.

And so we begin. I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this, and any feedback is more than welcome. I hope to make you laugh, think, roll your eyes, tear up a little bit... maybe even get mad. That is my goal as a writer... to illicit a reaction from my audience. Whether or not that reaction is a positive one is something we will all have to wait and see...

Hey, this is me at a recent holiday party. Quitting smoking was a resolution for a bit... but I need time with that one. The photo belongs to my dear friend Francina Jerez.